Prof. Mohamed Somali-The Knowledgeable!
Mohamed Somali-the name rings a bell! Yes, I am proud to be Somali! Why wouldn’t I? After all, the law of assumptions is our law in blood and brain. We create stories and present histories that have never taken place, we count eggs that have never been hatched, we know our friends from our foes, and we are people of intellect and the powerhouse of wisdom and knowledge.
I am Somali. If you doubt my proposition I don’t care because I know I am right. After all, the “majority” agrees with me! I tell the truth in its purest form and I have no mercy even if the truth kills you. The truth is that I am a professor who taught at “Gedi Technical Institute” in Biladaya city. You can’t pang my professorship because many Somalis call me “borofisoor”; I walk the “academic angle walk”- I bend and always carry books in my armpits, and even read the books of Lewis and Lee Cassanelli about the Somalis. You should respect me as professor Sematar. Speaking of Sematar, by the way, my brother in-law went to primary school with him. Allah ha u naxariisto seedigay isagoo yar ayuu dhintay! Sematar- he is just a loudmouth and they titivate his talent. He thinks he is an expert in Somali affairs. What does he know about Somali affairs? I can tell you everything about Somali affairs!
Kasii daa!
Arimuhu sidaad moodi ma aha, waxani waa siyaasad, arinka dhabtiisa aan kuu sheego! I am a politician who can give you a didactic lesson of politics! It is a dirty game. Imisay rag liqday. These guys want to oppress us and that is the long-term strategy of Gedi party. In fact I should not call it a party, it is tribal bandit. We need to fight them to safe the people of our land. You don’t need to know the mission and political objectives of this bandit group because I even personally know its leader. He hates us! He once said all Somalis have a right to live in the Biladaya city of ours! How can he say that! Soomaali ma waxbaa isugu jira. He is just a crook!
Haye!
Ninyahaw, Horn of Africa is ablaze! The people of this region are unfortunate. They don’t understand that this world is a ruthless world. To survive you have to be ruthless. Many of us externalize the problem but the truth is “they” don’t understand! Wadanku wuxuu ka dagi la yahay waa reer cadceed! It is not the Ethiopians whom we should fight, it is them! We should not relent to the domination interest of these guys. War gaaladaaba inoo dhaanta! They get their weapons from the Yeminis; we have to get ours from the Ethiopians. I have a good knowledge of military affairs. I know kuwani xoog mooyee xeelad uma baahna. They are our enemy! If you underestimate my knowledge in military affairs you are wrong, I fought the SPM-USC war. In fact I wore an American military cap during the SPM-USC war. It had a colonel mark on the peak! My friends used to call me “Colonel Mohamamed Soomaali”!
War ninyahaw nin bisil ayaad tahay ee maad reerka isku duba ridid!
Maxaan isku duba ridaa..these people have no clue of how this world operates. You have to be organized to make a difference. First of all, we need to build a website in order to further our interests. I am willing to become the editor of that website. I know about websites. I contribute to the commentary of many websites. The other day, I exposed this guy who used my name to make a comment on an article. He is stupid. He is not civilized. How can he use my name? I contacted the editor and he said “people usually use pen names and it could be a coincidence”. What kind of editor is that? You need to know the tails and heads of website management before you become an editor. Every Tom, Dick or Harry claims to be an editor! Trust me; I will manage that website very well! Secondly, we need to create a fundraising account; I am willing to host the clan meeting in my house. Let us meet and discuss our interests! Actually, I organized our guys in Kuwait when I was in the Middle East and you can’t believe how efficient we were. One day, I met the Amir of Ajman emirate on behalf of the group! I told him everything. I mean everything. Now, he knows cidday Somalia ka dagi la’dahay!
Haye, maxaa talo ah!
Ma hayaa taala ! Soomaali qabiilbaa dilay! How can you build a nation when you don’t agree on anything from cidda iska leh Biladaya to who will represent Somalia in New York. How can you send Dr. Mohamed Sharmarki who is from the tiniest tribe in Somalia to sit with people of high caliber at the UN conferences? It is obvious that the western powers will not listen to him! I know about western powers. They know if you are from minuscule tribes that you have no influence in Somalia! You have to be on top of world affairs to be in this game otherwise you will end up like Iraq! I mean these guys are divided into Sunni, Shia, Kurdish bla bala bla…they have oil and natural gas. They make billions of dollars every year yet they can’t develop their country! You know why they can’t move foreword? Well, let me enlighten you on this one. They need another Sadam. Oh, I liked that guy, maadaaba war kahaya. The sink of his toilets were painted with gold and the flash push button of his presidential suite toilet was made of diamond! I tell you, no body can fill his shoes! Waxaase ka daran Iran! Adigu miyaad taqaanaa Ahmedin Nejat? He is a heck of a guy! He doesn’t even wear a tie! What for? dhaqankiisa muxuu uga tagi oo uu taay u xidhan!
Xoogaa ayaynu fadhinay ee casho aynu dalbano!
Waa sax ee aan cashayno. Anigu ma cuno bariis iyo baasto. I will have grilled turkey with broccoli and artichoke on the side. I will have sun beach smoothie as a drink. Look at that guy in the corner! He has zero knowledge of eating etiquette. I think waa adoontii Congo kasoo qaxday! Speaking of Congo, look at what is happening in that country. They turned their wealth into curse! War hadaad gurigaaga daaradiisa faadh faadho diamond ayaad ka heli laakiin nasiib daro dhulka sidaas ah ayuu ilaahay adoon siiyay! Kuwan caddaanka ee aan la joognaa laftoodu khayr badan malaha. The other day this guy Alex, who is my supervisor at work, told me that I will lose my job if I come late again. I don’t know why he hates me. I think he is Anglo- Saxon racist because I was late for just twenty five minutes! Waar dadkani waa wada cunsuriyiin!
You can send your comments on this piece to my email at hassanbarud@yahoo.com
VOA 13pm GMT
IslamOnline
